Woodside Wullie
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Good Auld Aiberdeen GratitudeAt the turn of the year me and my mate Dod were struggling for money. As usual, we were drinking in oor local and wondering what we could do about oor lack o’ cash, when oot o’ the blue an’ old pal of ours came intae the pub. We hudnae seen Jim for years. Jim owned an electrical firm; worked a’ the time and didnae drink much, and therefore didnae mix in oor social circle onymair. Nevertheless, he got a roon o’ drinks in, and Dod and me were baith thinking: "fit’s gan on here?"
It transpired that three o’ his sparkies had gone hame tae Krakov for a family wedding, and he was left wi’ a short term skills gap, and asked Dod and me if we could fill it ‘till the Poles returned. Now, Dod and myself had to give this some serious consideration and managed tae get anither pint oot o’ Jim before agreeing oor terms of employment – cash in hand.
Onywye, we started workin’ on one o’ his contracts fittin’ mains operated smoke alarms in cooncil hooses, and one day we got tae a hoose in Hilton, and I chapped on the door o’ a Mr. MacDour. An eerie creepy voice tell’t us to come in. We entered. Oh, dearie me I was lookin’ at a real creepy creepster.
“Mr. MacDour?” I asked.
“ Aye, ‘ats me. Are you the sparkies wi’ the alarms?”
“Aye, we are.”
“ Weel just get on wi’ it.” the creepster commanded.
I was laying doon dustsheets in the lobby when the creepster asked me what I was doing. I explained that we had to keep his hoose clean while we worked.
The creepster blurted oot: “A wouldnae bother, ma hoose hisnae been cleaned since my wife died.”
“I’m sorry about that.” I said: “When did she die?”
“Eight year ago, and I hope yir nae needin’ tae use ma bathroom; I wouldnae advise it!”
My mate Dod whispered to me to get on wi’ the job and get the hell oot the place. Normally we would take about forty minutes a hoose but we whizzed it in less than twenty. We were tidying up oor gear when the creepster reappeared.
“Yir boss man tell’t me it wid tak aboot an hour, but yiv fair motored on.”
“Aye, well wiv got a lot on.” I replied.
“Oh man!” the creepster said, “ Yiv a fair sweat on yir brow. I reckon yi’ could dee wi’ a can o’ beer.”
Now I have never looked a gift horse in the mouth and I replied: “ Aye man I could fair manage one.”
The creepster cocked his head and said: “Well get yir erse across the road tae the corner shoppie. They’ve a special offer on; two for one.”
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